No More Range Games. SPX Finally Commits to Direction.
Ahoy there, Trader! ⚓️
It’s Phil…
Well fuck-a-doodle-do.
Bearish. Then bullish. Then – surprise – back to bearish. If you’re feeling like a piñata at a trend trader’s birthday party, welcome to August.
While most were still celebrating (or crying about) earnings, the market quietly confirmed the one thing we’ve been waiting for: a clean range break… on the third attempt… and it was a beauty.
“This candle didn’t knock. It kicked the door off its hinges.”
SPX Isn’t Random. It’s a Paycheque Waiting to Be Claimed.
Zero-day options + pulse bar = fast cash, low stress.
SPX Market Briefing:
Well fuck-a-doodle-do!
Bearish then bullish then back bearish – and as I’m typing this, we’re nudging up against a gap low on ES futures… to the tune of 65pts.
The daily chart printed another engulfing candle – this time it swallowed the last 5 days of price activity, and most of the 6th for good measure.
With regards to the two previous failed breakouts, we didn’t see price move past the pullback zone until yesterday’s move – and it did it with style. That 30-minute bar printed a clean breakout-pullback-continuation setup.
This confirms the shift from chop-and-fakeout range to real directional intent. It’s not just a vibe.
It’s Money Making Pattern #6.
I mean… technically we were already bearish after the earlier Tag ‘n Turn setup, but now we are “more bearish lol”. It’s the difference between “maybe I’ll go out” and “I’m in the Uber, lets go out out!”
Right now? As I continue typing, the futures are down 70pts and this move is gaining teeth.
First SPX breakout target sits at 6325. Second measured target down at 6285. But I don’t think we’ll stop there.
For now, I’m delaying all bullish setups. Pulse Bar + v-pattern entry will need to print clean before any longs are considered. This volatility breakout may just be getting started.
If you’re in those bear swing setups – today might be gap-to-glory Friday. Let’s get paid.
In Other News…
️ Live from the FunNuts News Desk…
“Markets Hold Breath, Blink Twice, Then Go Back to Holding Breath”
Good evening, I’m definitely not wearing trousers under this desk – and these are tonight’s top stories:
Futures: flatter than a pancake on a keto diet.
Asia tiptoed higher, up a mighty 0.3% – a move so small even your smartwatch thought it was a rest day. Taiwan and Australia led the charge, while Japan’s Nikkei wandered around aimlessly like a tourist who lost the map and the will to care. Global markets, meanwhile, continue trying to decode central bank signals using a decoder ring from a cereal box.
U.S. futures? Please clap.
S&P minis dipped a whopping 0.1%, presumably in protest at the dullness of consumer staples and energy stocks. Investors now await earnings from Apple and Tesla with all the excitement of a family dinner where your uncle insists on explaining NFTs again. Meta and Microsoft also report expect AI buzzwords, some PowerPoint sorcery, and a vague promise to “accelerate synergies.”
Dollar flexes, euro gets bullied.
The greenback’s been hitting the gym, and EUR/USD is on track for its first monthly L of 2025. That’s bad news for European luxury exports – because nothing says “recession-proof” like a €14,000 handbag that now costs €14,100.
Commodities? Meh.
Oil sagged slightly as FX strength overpowered supply jitters. It’s hard to hype up supply shocks when the dollar’s out here doing push-ups and shouting at currencies in French.
Inflation sectors: ghosting us.
Materials, industrials, and financials are stuck in limbo, waiting for rate signals like it’s the last bus on a rainy night. Banks, in particular, can’t decide whether to cheer trade optimism or sob into their yield curves.
And now, back to you – just in time to watch the market do absolutely nothing until Thursday’s CPI. Stay dry, stay sarcastic, and for the love of Powell, don’t chase the middle of the range.
Expert Insights:
The breakout confirmation didn’t come from guesswork. It came from the third attempt, the failed re-entry, and the clean breakdown bar + pullback entry. That’s a textbook MM Pattern #6 – breakout + pullback through the range low.
If you ever needed proof that fakeouts eventually fade and setups always return – this is it.
[Source: AntiVestor SPX Income System Book – Pattern #6 Breakdown]
Rumour Has It…
Hazel was spotted on air with a single candle on her desk and the caption:
“One engulfing bar to wipe them all.”
She then sipped coffee, nodded to the breakout line, and signed off with:
“Pulse + Premium + Panic = My kinda market.”
Her new segment?
“Goodnight, Bulls.”
(Airing every time a range breaks down and takes retail dreams with it.)
This is entirely made-up satire. Probably!
Breaking scoops courtesy of the Financial Nuts Newswire-because who needs sanity?
Happy trading,
Phil
Less Brain, More Gain
…and may your trades be smoother than a cashmere codpiece
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