Cramer Cuddles Bitcoin at $120k – Should We Call the Top or Child Services?
Ahoy there, Trader! ⚓️
It’s Phil…
BREAKING: The Kiss of Death Just Planted a Wet One on Bitcoin
Jim “Inverse Alpha” Cramer just declared his undying love for Bitcoin.
“I want to own it… for my kids.” – Cramer, live on CNBC, eyes glistening like a boomer who just discovered Venmo. [1]
That’s not a market call.
That’s a cosmic warning label with a side of Velveeta.
Keep reading for trade anatomy.
My Emotional Margin Call Flashback
I once followed Cramer into a biotech ETF – on a Thursday. By Monday I had:
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3 open losing positions
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2 unopened margin calls
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1 voicemail from a friend that just said: “Bro…”
SPX Options = Cashflow Engine.
With this setup? It’s practically an ATM with a checklist.
Why This Top Is Glazed to Perfection
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Bitcoin is now $120k – up from $118k just before Cramer opened his trap.
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Implied Volatility ticked higher before the segment even aired (the algos smell blood).
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Crypto Twitter responded with a single emoji:
Reverse Cramer Checklist:
| Signal | ✅ |
|---|---|
| Unsolicited bullish comment from Cramer? | ✅ |
| No specific thesis beyond “legacy”? | ✅ |
| Timing matches local top? | ✅ |
| Memes already minted? | ✅ |
| ETF launched and later shut down? | ✅ |
TRADE IDEA: “SELL. SELL. SELL. SELL IT ALL.”
No spread. No nuance. No sweeteners.
Just grab your broker app, find some overbought calls or fake hope, and dump it like Cramer’s credibility in 2008.
Did You Know:
There was an actual ETF called SJIM – the Inverse Cramer Tracker.
It literally did the opposite of what he said on air.
And yep, it outperformed during his last crypto love affair.
Unfortunately… it got shut down.
Why? Because betting against Cramer was becoming too profitable. [2][3]
Let the crypto bros cry in their HODL mugs.
You?
Sell the dream, collect the premium.
Book • ️ Live breakdown • “Mentorship” (minus the emotional trauma)
☠️ Disclaimer (Full Roast Edition)
If Cramer buys Solana next week and claims it cured his allergies – don’t say you weren’t warned. This is satire, not SEC-approved anything. And definitely not legal advice. Call your therapist, not your broker.
This is entirely made-up satire. Probably!
Breaking scoops courtesy of the Financial Nuts Newswire-because who needs sanity?
Sources
[1] – bitcoin.com – Jim Cramer says bitcoin is the hedge against 38t debt
[2] – The Street – Jim Cramer has a harsh response to soaring debt
[3] – Yahoo Finance CA – Jim Cramer cleanspark speculate
Happy trading,
Phil
Less Brain, More Gain
…and may your trades be smoother than a cashmere codpiece
p.s. There are 3 ways I can help you…
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